The alternate title was "Alas, pour your drink, I knew him Fellatio."
Yeah, I know. I'm predictable. I like comfort food though, and I really do buy into that whole 'third place' bullshit that Starbucks pumps out. Plus, there are cute boys.
Like the one that just walked through the door. Uhhhhhh. Strike that. He has an asthmatic cough. He has on an orange Texas Longhorns T-shirt and red and black athletic shorts. He's got on sandals and crusty toes. He has big ears too. His haircut is not doing him any favors, but he is nicely formed. The register girl is flirting fit to beat the band.
He apparently has a $5 Starbucks gift card and wants to use it. His bill comes out to $4.22 and he's crushed that he can't spend it all at once. So he decides to flirt with the barista some more. She simpers. He smiles. I gag. "Is it possible that I can use 78 cents the next time?" No mother-f*****. Because that is not your money. She simpers. He smiles. I gag. "Of course," the barista answers, "that's your money." That's right dumb-ass. Seriously. Maybe he really DID go to a Big 12 school.
Anyway. He gets his coffee and leaves. She sighs. He stalks. I gag.
Where were we? Oh. Yeah. Cute boys. Diamond Studs, the ghetto-fied white-boy high-schooler is working tonight. He has a big hickey high up on his neck. Too high for a turtleneck to cover up - even if it made any sense at all to wear a turtleneck in Florida.
I'm sitting outside now. They cranked the radio up in there while they're cleaning and I just can't concentrate. The traffic noise is loud but oddly calming. Whoosh. Zoom. Whoosh. Zoom. Thank you Mr. Motorcycle.
Apparently, and I'm getting this second-hand from a chatty barista, I just missed a rather long philosophical debate about the best way to perform fellatio on a male. The three female baristas were tormenting poor Diamond Studs with this as he's trying to clean the espresso machine.
Are we interested in the techniques that were being espoused? I know that I'm always down for a good discusson on the techniques of fellatio. I'm not sure how experienced a couple of these girls were - one looks like an old pro - but two of them look like they're still in high school. Looks can be deceiving - and who knows - maybe they're earning tuition in the back seat of the bus on the way home each afternoon.
Anyway. The blonde girl was apparently asking questions about the whole "Pop Rocks" theory - which is how the debate got started. Seriously. That's how blonde jokes got started.
The brunette said that you've got to use plenty of hand - and juggle the jewels while you're at it. The old hand - the manageress, just smiled and nodded wisely and said that if you manage to finger the culo, that's even better.
Methinks she's given a few in her lifetime. Anyway. Poor Diamond Studs just blushed red, made my drink and clocked out. He shoved his green apron in his back pocket and stomped out the door just a minute later.
After he left, one of the baristas confided in me that "his girlfriend won't do it for him. And she cheated on him over Christmas." Well, hell. Poor Diamond Studs. I guess I need to tip him good tomorrow. Maybe a five with my phone number written on it in Sharpie.
The SBUX is dead tonight. I guess everyone is indoors watching the LSU-OSU game. Whatever. Who would have thought that OSU would score first? I saw that much before I left the office. Even the traffic is dead here.
Oh. Man. I don't know what the hell I ate, but it is killing me in the digestion department. Maybe it was that IHOP last night. I dunno.
OK. Drivers are stupid. This white Toyota 4Runner just turned out in front of a Mustang. So the Mustang slams on the horn. The 4Runner blows the horn back, then guns it. I can hear the Mustang gun it too. All this not five blocks from downtown and another stoplight and tons of police. Effing brilliant.
Huh. I just caught three stop lights in different stages. Yellow. Red. Green.
I love the different colors of light. Wow. I'm back on light. I can see blue, white and yellow from here too. Ohhhhhh. Pretty.
Traffic noise. I can haz it. It's funny, but when the light goes green or yellow, I'll hear a sudden deeper THRUMMMMMM of the engines as the drivers either accelerate or try to make the light.
OK. I'm done. I need to do my laundry.
Peace. Love. Thank Mr. Corvette. You really had to peel out there. Understanding.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Starbucks #1, 9:09 p.m. - I'll have a tall latte and a quick blowjob
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5 comments:
Yeesh. Those female baristas show no mercy, do they? The least they could have done was to offer to demonstrate how good they actually are for the guy.
I was a frequent reader of your "Behind the Counter" (but I never commented much) and was sad to see you have moved on. I'm glad, however, you left that horrible China loving company and hope things work out for you. I try to never set foot in one of those horrible stores. Wal Mart is basically funding the China war machine and it won't be long until we see a Wal Mart logo on the side of a China tank or missle. (Sad but some what true)
Oh and BTW, I'm farfetched brother (really it's true)
So now on to your new blog; seems pretty interesting. So is there anyway you could give me a hint where this Starbucks is and a discription of the girls. LOL
Goodluck on your new blog and job.
Solar
I'm tellin' you-know-who, bro!
[oh dang, I don't have her number]
HAHA, love the Hamlet reference. Hope things are going well. It's amazing the things employees will talk about when it's possible customers might hear them.
I am a frequent visitor to the apple store and i have never been more pleased with the service that I get from the Mac Specialist...Not Geeks asshole! The Specialists are extremely knowledgeable and they are always willing to help in anyway possible. If you were to spend more time talking with the Specialist instead of sitting around blogging about how crappy you think something is you might find out that they are really awesome people. And by the way I do not see why what a person is wearing should really matter. And every Apple Store that I have been into is always busy. And hey if they arent that just means you get more time to talk with the specialist. So next time you go in an Apple store if you really have a problem with the way things are run you should talk to them they are always willing to listen. They are not ignorant to whats going on unlike some people!!
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