So I have the flu, and I have to literally strap on my high heels and drag myself into the doctor today.
Thank you, Miss Ukraine 2005 Receptionist Heifer. You are not our dear Masha – Maria Sharapova for those in the know. You are not glamorous, famous or desirous. You have the bedside personality of a toad. An ugly toad. "Fill this out and sit over there," is not exactly helpful or welcoming, especially as I can't HEAR YOU VERY WELL.
My ear hurt, my throat hurts, my head hurts and you're mumbling away while you're not even looking at me. I know that my $15 co-pay doesn't count for much – but I'm sure that UnitedHealthcare sends a gigantor check the size of Rhode Island to your office every month. I said "please," "thank you" and I managed to greet you with a weak smile. The least you can do is look at me bitch.
The number of old people who do nothing but go from doctor to doctor to doctor all day is astounding. One old lady had a Macy's bag full of pills. I heard them rattle. Maybe that was her death rattle. I don't know.
She went into the bathroom to give a "sample" and I swear to god I heard her. If I hadn't already hurled at home I would have in the fake potted plant next to me. What I didn't hear was the damn sink. Old ladies creep me out.
All that and I didn't even see a doctor. I got a nurse who looked at my throat, my nose and my ears and said "you've got something." She brought back a prescription for a pack of pills. I left and the waiting room was now completely jammed. Amputees even. I need to get off this HMO and onto a real medical plan.
I decide that I can't deal with the horror of CVS today. I might commit murder on some old people stupidity and stumble into the pharmacy in the bottom floor of the medical clinic building.
Three old leathery things have to "consult" over my prescription while a cute clerk wearing silver rings and a bracelet wants to flirt with me. "Hi." My name is Charanda. Want to get the flu the fun way? OK. Meet me behind the building in five minutes.
Eighty dollars later … I'm drinking orange juice and swilling pill candy. Please Kali don't let me die. I'm so young. There are so many men I haven't slept with yet.
--file by Charanda deKristeax from the HMO holding pens
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
My flu, let me give it to you
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4 comments:
Here's hoping you get better soon!
I've never figured out what the deal is with pharmacies. You take the prescription, call it into the doc if you need to, push some buttons to print a label, put some pills in a bottle, stick the label on, take your money. Exactly what is it in that process that requires a multi-hour wait? Especially when you phone in a request for a refill — why do they act like it's a big deal if you want to pick it up the same day?
To know more about pharmacies, see "The Angry Pharmacist" blog.
now if i was a man and single, i'd come over, make you tea, and reduce the list of the men you haven't slept with yet by one.
What is it with desk clerk manners, why are so many people unable to initiate and hold even 3 seconds of eye contact?? Hope you feel better, this year's flu is a doozy.
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